he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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