Sry I called you an 8
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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