my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
