What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
