somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
