Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
