did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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