So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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