My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
