I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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