Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
