let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
