"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
