omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
