Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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