If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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