well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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