I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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