he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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