I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
