I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
