there's paper in my vomit.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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