he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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