Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
