It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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