Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
