I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
BRING THE BAGELS
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
