You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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