My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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