I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize