is your mom at the bar?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
