I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
