Can Purell be used as lube?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
