He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
