So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
