I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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