we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
