So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
