I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
