Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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