I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You have to summon your inner elephant
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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