I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
