My entire life is one complicated drinking game
smell my finger.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
