Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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