At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
