Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
