Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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