So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
