an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
