his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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