I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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