my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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