its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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