So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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