were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
