Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
