2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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