He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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