Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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