i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
