She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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