Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
