When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
