I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sorry my hands just texted you
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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