i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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